I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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