I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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