I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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