I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
