my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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