If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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