i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
