this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
