I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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