Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
