hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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