Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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