so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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