I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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