***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
