So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Every concussion has its silver lining
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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