it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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