shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
