I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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