I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
