does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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