Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
