Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize