Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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