I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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