The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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