apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
