saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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