You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
