Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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