an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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