My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
