New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
