did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize