he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
