Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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