I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
where are my eyebrows?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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