o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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