Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
