Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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