Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
