just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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