Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
