i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
