I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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