My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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