I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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