He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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