all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
bring money and cleavage
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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