There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize