I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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