i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
