boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
