Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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