if i can run in heels then i can drive
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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