We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are all done wearing pants today
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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