I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i think im in europe. pls send help
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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