she was so not down for the gang bang
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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