I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
